Week 7 - Cruise Phase

Start:  186.4

Day 1 - Well, we're starting this week at 186.4.  I ran into a new friend at a meeting this morning...she's diabetic, was talking about how it's hard to stay away from sugar (if memory serves correct, she's a recently diagnosed diabetic) so I shared how I've not had sugar or flour (except for that cupcake) for 7 weeks and her husband asked me if I was feeling better, I said, well...I'm getting close to the 20 pounds gone mark, so that feels good.  She gave me a high five.  That made me feel good.  I think I need to make some sort of chart, with benchmarks as to where my numbers should be so I can get to my goal by the end of November.  Then I can look at it when I'm getting discouraged.  That'll help.  So, if I lose the expected 1-2 pounds this week, I will be at the 20 pound mark at the end of this week.  That's something!  Hopefully, this stinky mood disappears soon.

 * Thought tonight...how the foods that I'm missing, isn't necessarily because of cravings, I'm doing okay with cravings...except for when I smell his chocolate zinger...or when my hormones are screaming for crunchy salty chips...guess what one of my celebration meals will have in it?  Anyway...back to my thought...I miss eating a mini Mounds.  I miss just being able to chomp on something..but then I thought, I've been eating different.  I eat every few hours to keep from being hungry and in danger zones of sabotaging myself..or, when I'm having bratty moments, I eat when I'm hungry, and I eat to not be hungry and get it over with.  I haven't been eating just to eat something.  Which is usually things that are bad for me.  So, by the time celebration meals come along, I'll be used to not just munching on stuff.  Then, once a week, I can have a meal of what I want...which, to me, includes dessert.  So, that long while will get me to not having sweets often, but here and there, frequent enough to appreciate.  I might just be okay!  I might just be able to wear cute clothes for the rest of my life.  And by "might", I mean: it's gonna happen.  Plus, my daughters are proud of me and how...in any part of my reality...could I let them down and throw this all away.  Nope.  I'm just loving this blue book and feeling understood by this french stranger named Dr. Dukan.

Day 2 - 185.2.  ...  Yup...just have a silent moment there.  That's almost 20 pounds there folks.  And if that showed up today, then perhaps, that'll be the number that we play around with this week and end up on.  That'd be great.

Day 3 - 186.  I felt puffy this morning.  I haven't really been using much salt in my food...but last night, I put the kosher rock salt on our steaks while they warmed to room temperature.  Then I rinsed them and dried them.  Apparently, that wasn't good enough.  They were kind of salty.  Lesson learned.  I'm thinking maybe that's what had me feeling so puffy this morning.  The kind of puffy when I used to travel.  On a better note, at church today, one lady tapped me on the shoulder and said, "losing a lot of weight there..." That made me feel good.  And then, one of the teenagers that I love was all...um...something is different here...I then told her how last summer, she made a comment that has been a huge motivator.  She was confused.  I said when I was giving them a ride, she was looking at the pictures on my ipod...she came to a picture from my marriage...she stared and stared and then shook her head and said, "Dang...you were hot!"  She was mortified that she said that and said she was sorry for being mean.  I said, no...it wasn't mean...it's been something that I've hung onto...in a good way, so thank you very much.  She still felt bad.  I said no...that's not how I took it.  Now...to think about where I am..I am 6 pounds away from that weight right now.  I'm wanting something to munch on, so I'm getting some of my fake cookies going...mostly, I'm a bit bored and that's my go-to for boredom...eating.  Can't do that anymore.  What a weird concept!  

Day 4 - 186.2.  Round and round and round she goes...where it stops, nobody knows!  I don't get it.  Although, I didn't exercise yesterday.  Perhaps that will be my hangup unless I do something about that.  So, this morning, my husband and I climbed Independence Rock.  Came home and took a nap because I didn't sleep very well at all and...well, needed a nap.  

Day 5 - 184.6.  That felt good to see.  Today is an emotional day.  I made soap for the first time.  Cold process.  It's being all insulated up...tomorrow I uncover it and see if it turned out.  Hopefully, it turned out and then we can cure them.  The other thing is that it's my parents' 54th wedding anniversary.  I called my dad.  Read him what I posted on my blog...got all choked up.  I miss my mom.  She's been gone for 14 years and it's still surreal.  I credit every pound lost to any metabolism that I may have inherited from her.  While checking out books at the library, the lady behind me put her books on the counter right by me.  At the top?  The Dukan Diet.  I invaded her life with:  I'm in my eighth week of that right now and am down 21 pounds!  She looked at me and we had a brief conversation...it was nice to be able to tell someone that the "diet" they're looking into works.

Day 6 - 184.6.  Hmmm...the number is the same.  That's okay.  As long as it doesn't stay that way for a week.  Although...as long as it doesn't go up in said week, I should be happy?  There will be no exercising today.  Sorry for sharing too much, but I am just cramping too much to go walking or do my T-Tapps.  I'm doing good just getting around the house and taking care of things...need to go grocery shopping.  That's going to sap my mental and physical energy.  I'm eating today to keep from being hungry.  That's it.  

Day 7 - 185.2.  Yup...don't get it.  Maybe I didn't eat enough yesterday?  But I was in serious pain.  Thought I was going to pass out a few times and breathing was difficult.  Feeling much better today.  So, I'll watch my food and get my T-Tapps in.  And hopefully, that number will go down just a little for my weigh in tomorrow morning.  I'm almost off the morbidly obese BMI scale!!!  

Official weigh in from the end of my seventh week in the Cruise Phase:  184.6

Week seven weight loss:  1.8

Total weight loss:  20.4

Week 6 - Cruise Phase

Start:  188.4

Day 1 - So...188.4.  How's that?  Phew!  Today I made some sugar-free pudding.  I'm studying boxes and packages every time I venture down an aisle at the grocery store...because I'm not doing much shopping down those aisles...not much on my 100 foods list resides outside of the outskirts...but I think the jello is safe. There's some chemicals in there, but I'm eating FAR less chemical crap than I used to.  So..I'm okay.  And then I had a small bowl after dinner.  I sure want bread.  And although I'm not a potato chip person, I sure want some Lays Carolina BBQ chips.  Just want something salty and crunchy...hmmm...now that I just typed that, I realized that I get salty and crunchy cravings (and I mean huge cravings) monthly...so, perhaps I'm just getting hormonal.  And it's a good thing I don't go down the aisles at the grocery store.  Only so much perseverance a woman can do!  (i bought my husband bread that i don't care about...makes that part a bit easier)

Day 2 - This morning's verdict:  188.0.  I don't expect it to hold, since today is a veggie day, BUT...it gives me hope that at the end of this week, I'll be a solid 187.  Maybe I'll get a glimpse of a 186...who knows.  Can you tell I'm still doubting?  I fully expect to wake up some morning and have that scale tell me 205 once again.  Some people, when learning how long the Dukan phases will take me, express their dismayal on my behalf.  I'm not there.  I need all of that time to retrain my brain.  To let my inner skinny self come back to life.  To believe in the change.  To purge my drawers and closets of the bigger clothes.  To leave my bad eating habits behind.  I need it all.  So I believe the number on the scale.  So I believe the fit of my clothes.  So I can eat a cookie without be scared.  To the veggies of the day...I indulged in fresh garden beans and squash from my future-son-in-law's mother's garden.  Included halved yellow cherry tomatoes with the beans...very good.  I look forward to harvesting my own garden someday...when I live where I can actually do such a thing.  Plus, it seemed that they filled me up more than frozen veggies...and kept me full longer.  Is that weird?  I'll experiment again in two days to see if it was just a fluke or if it really did that...the longer I'm on this diet, the less I'm snacking on smaller protein/lowfat dairy.  Maybe I'm getting the meals down better...maybe I'm adjusting to eating a normal amount instead of eating too much.

Day 3 - 186.6.  Well...isn't that a surprise!  Sitting here, I actually feel a bit more normal.  Not as bulky.  No one at church mentioned anything...that's okay.  I guess.  My husband and daughters notice.  I feel a difference when washing my face and putting on makeup...my face isn't as chunky...in fact, I don't know that I'd call my face chunky anymore.  I think I shall dangle a carrot (or, in this case, a cookie) out in front of me for the end of the month...I'm going to spend my daughters birthdays with them.  Instead of cake, I shall visit my favorite bakery and get myself a cookie.  Or a cupcake.  We'll see.  If I focus on that when I'm getting my salty/crunchy cravings, then I can easily not succumb.  My friends introduced me to propel water...it has electrolytes and vitamins in it.  Since I started drinking one of those bottles each day, I'm not feeling as weird in my brain and body...so even though I drink lots of water, perhaps those additives are helping put something back in my body that I need.

Day 4 - 187.2.  Yeah...don't know what's up with that...did I have too much salt yesterday?  Or perhaps it's my hatred for exercise?  Except for hiking...I love that.  But, don't really have a place to do that here.  Not interested in sharing my zen hike with cougars and/or rattlesnakes.  I did rather enjoy my regular small hikes in Bountiful.  And sitting on "my rock" watching the sun go down.  But here?  Sigh.  I just can't find anything that strikes me as not torture.  So...I do my T-Tapps...and hope for a better number tomorrow.  I don't like the going up thing.  I'd be fine with the number staying still...not for long, but...now I'm just frustrated.  And I want a piece of cake...and a cookie...and carolina bbq potato chips...and noodles... And yes, I'm aware that I'm having a bratty rebellious attitude right now...so, instead of sabotaging myself, I shall just have a bad attitude for tonight and hopefully wake up with a better outlook in the morning.

Day 5 - Back to 186.6.  Don't understand this number thing.  Oh well.  Have a headache forming, but then, I had a crappy night's sleep.  Got up at 5, as usual, to get my husband's lunch made and get him out the door.  Ate my breakfast.  And now, I shall now go take a nap and hopefully, that's what's up with this headache...took my nap.  Headache gone.  Tried on a few "waiting" (you know, almost all of us have the too-small wardrobe) t-shirts.  Surprise!  One that was a bit too snug two weeks ago fits!  My favorite gray capris are almost too big...I shall be sad when it comes time to get rid of them.  Maybe I can find a smaller size on ebay... Need to remember to watch my salt intake and exercise...bleah...but, need to maintain the numbers and not go up again.  I mean, if I'm going to be going up, then I'm going to go ahead and eat bread, you know?  And I do NOT want to cross that line.  

Day 6 - And...we have that not-so-desirable-once-again-number-of-188.4.  Do not get this.  And I'm in a downright pissy mood.  I know that part of it is hormonal...I know part of it is that I am tired...I know part of it is that stinkin' number...I know part of it is frustration...I know part of it is dread for the weigh in on Friday for the bottom part of this post.  I do NOT want a higher number.  For crying out loud.  I've given up bread...I've given up sugar...I've given up cookies...  Husband had a chocolate zinger tonight.  The wrapper was by me...I told him he needed to move it.  He moved it to the other end of the table (we were working on a puzzle).  Later, I still smelled that luscious chocolate...I grabbed it and threw it away.  He thought it was funny that my nose was able to smell it.  I said it smelled too much like a cupcake.  Sigh.  It's just been a bad day.  Didn't even eat a lot.  When I got really hungry, I'd figure out something to eat..other than that, I was just annoyed with food.  I guess I ought to give myself a break.  Tomorrow, I'll have been doing this for 7 weeks.  It's okay to have a bad emotional day.  I guess.  I'll watch my sodium tomorrow...I'll do my T-Tapps...and hope for the best.

Day 7 - 187.4.  Well..the number went down.  I'm not quite as annoyed...read a few success stories online today.  Gave myself a mini pep talk.  Decided to make myself a chart of where my weight should be so I can get to my goal by the end of November.  That way, if the scale plays a goofy game (like how i put it on the scale?  yeah, i caught that) like it has this week, I can look at that chart and if I'm on track, I can tell myself I'm okay.  That's the plan at least.  I had a board meeting tonight, they always provide dinner..but from past experience, it really isn't anything I can eat.  So I drank an Atkins shake (i think it's okay) before I went and it kept me okay for five hours, until I got home.  Ate two poached eggs (cuz they're close to fried eggs, but no grease) and made some of the Dukan fake cookies.  I haven't had those since before our "vacation" was over, thought I should get back to them.  Maybe that'll help.  Dunno.  Just hoping for a good number in the morning for the final verdict of week six.

Official weigh in from the end of my sixth week in the Cruise Phase:  186.4

Week six weight loss:  2

Total weight loss:  18.6

Week 5 - Cruise Phase

Start:  Yeah...'bout that...I'm on vacation, away from my scale, so no "formal" weigh in numbers...

Day 1 - Driving with the hubby and two nephews to Boise today.  Protein day.  I used that Atkins protein drink today for part of the traveling...these things are Dr. Dukan's favorite things, but they're okay for the rare time.  "Rare" wasn't his word...I'm tired...don't remember.  Dinner was interesting.  Getting something to eat at the food court in a mall isn't the easiest thing.  I finally went to a grill place, asked for the chicken and shrimp..no noodles or rice.  The man was very confused...why was I ordering food but only part of it?  He kept after the cabbage, how it was so good.  I finally said yes, give me the cabbage...because he was so concerned why I couldn't eat noodles or rice.  I ate the shrimp and chicken and was glad I asked for only a little hot sauce.  Brought my yogurt into the theatre to eat while we watched "Rise of Planet of the Apes".  

Day 2 - Today was my in-laws 50th wedding anniversary party.  Due to...family stuff...this was a bit stressful for me.  I maintained a very zen-like inner peace during the morning...with the whole picture taking thing.  Lunch got a bit odd...I ate some tuna here at the hotel & had salad at the family lunch.  My zen was gone.  Dinner was a grilled chicken salad from Jack in the Box...not the best thing out there...but it did it's job.  I'm now eating my yogurt with oat bran in it because for some reason, this hotel room has about anything we'd need except a microwave so I can't make me some hot cereal.  But, I did it.  Didn't have cake or nuts or mints.  I may be teaching myself that I can do without sugar.  Bread?  No way...I may not be eating bread for the time being, but I am very much looking forward to putting it back in my life.  Sugar?  I'll just need to be on guard with that stuff...

Day 3 - Well..if there was ever a day to hide in food, this was it.  Had a yogurt...went to a late breakfast with my husband and our friends.  It sucked.  Even though it was a steak.  It sucked.  Wait...did I mention that it sucked?  The company was great.  The food sucked.  And the day just got worse from there.  Talk about feeling froze out.  I was about in tears many times that day...just wanted to leave and go home.  Yup.  All the way home.  Let's just go and make the 10 hour drive home.  Dinner was a make-shift meat thing from a drive-thru since the family was all eating pizza and corn on the cob.  I did love my pre-bed hot oat bran cereal.  Highlight of the day was I stayed on track, food-wise...my husband and our friends...my nephews.

Day 4 - Last day in Oregon.  Some more awkward moments.  Pick up our nephew and head on out.  I'm doing my protein and veggies day well, because finding a salad with some grilled chicken while on the road is fairly simple.  Had dinner with my dad and his wife.  That was tough.  It sucks seeing your once rough and tough father getting so old and frail.  He's not eating...his blood pressure is in stroke range and they act like, "oh well".  Sticking to my food list.  I really want to have sugar snacks.  Maybe because of all the driving we're doing?  Maybe because of all the stress?  Probably a mixture of the two.  

Day 5 - And we thought yesterday was difficult?  Well...just when I think I'm safe, things go to hell.  Don't you love family drama?  I do not.  But to food.  I kind of went off track just a touch at lunch.  Before we headed home, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law wanted to go out to lunch.  Macaroni Grill.  Now..normally, I love this place.  But.  When one isn't eating bread or pasta, what's the point of going to Macaroni Grill?  So I got the spinach and scallops salad.  I know.  I know.  It's not a protein/veggie day.  I did my best.  I stuck with proteins the rest of the way home.  Not looking forward to weighing myself.  I'm scared.  I'm thirsty, tired, want to munch on some snacks.  I shall go to bed instead of sabotaging myself.  I need a lower number to keep up the spirits right now...don't know if it'll be there.  I did my best while out of town...let's see if the scale cooperates...

Day 6 - 190.0.  I'm liking feeling my thighs.  I can tell the difference with my hands.  Can I imagine what they'll be like at the end weight?  Nope...but I'm looking forward to it.  Really really wanting munching stuff.  I need to go online and see what I can find that other people have found to fit that particular need/want.  Had a date with my husband.  That was nice.  

Day 7 - Vacation is officially over.  Even though it wasn't much of a vacation.  Almost two weeks out of town, and I'm so exhausted.  Don't know how he's doing...hope he's ok out there today.  I know that most of mine comes from a lot of emotional stuff with his family...hopefully he escaped a lot of that.  So...got on the scale before making his lunch this morning.  189.0!!!  Now...I imagine that tomorrow the number won't be that, because today is a PV day...but, I saw the "8" number!  Can't take that away.  And will help me keep away from any cookie temptation.  Another week where I didn't hide from feelings or stress in food.  Today I enjoyed some of the veggies from my daughter's future husband's momma's garden.  Follow that?  It was good.

Official weigh in from the end of my fifth week in the Cruise Phase: 188.4

Week five weight loss:  ..was on vacation..didn't have an official beginning number...

Total weight loss: 16.6

Week 4 - Cruise Phase

Start:  191.0

Day 1 - I'm teary-eyed.  Honestly, I didn't believe that I'd be under 200 again.  And this morning?  191.  In that magical world of "If Only"...I had this dream of showing up to the party next week at 190.  And look at that number!  Even if we go up and down a little this week...even if I only lose ONE pound this week, that number will be a reality...course, I won't be home...and I wasn't planning on weighing myself while gone, don't want to get frustrated when someone else's scale has a different number...but now...I'm debating that decision...I may get on scales just to keep track of what's going on.  There should be a scale in the exercise room at the hotel?  Don't know.  We shall see.  Yesterday I didn't feel so good.  But then, with that number, I don't expect my physical self to be on top.  So, I will focus more on getting food into my body every two to three hours...since getting bored with food probably isn't a good place for me to be.  Maybe I'll get some of those ensure things for while we're on the road...don't know...I'll check out the label.  Anyway.  One Hundred and Ninety-One Frickin' Pounds!  I'm blown away.  I may cry.  I shall consider myself chunky for my birthday instead of stinkin' fat.  What a good present to give myself.  Clothes that look good on me.  I'm getting there.

Day 2 - Traveling...for dinner, I felt like a normal person.  There was an entree that sounded pretty safe, except for the ranch salsa...so I rather enjoyed dinner.  It was grilled chicken with mexican spices and a chopped salad of sorts.  Although, I realized that I had basically the same thing for lunch, hot grilled chicken on top of a salad.  Started not feeling too great...I think my tooth is giving out...  Went to the exercise room and did walking up a hill on the treadmill..while discussing marriage ideas with my daughter.  She asked if I wanted one of her sandwiches...I said, I'm not doing bread.  She gulped and said, whoops.  While driving around with another daughter, she got teary eyed and told me she was very proud of me because she couldn't do this and she knows it's difficult for me (no bread?  impossible...that's one of the great loves of my life.  as is sugar).  It was nice to be told that she's proud of me...because I know she means it.  She says there's less of my face.  I pulled my loose t-shirt against me me..she gaped..that was a cool moment.  I'm at an awkward clothes size stage.  There are far worse things!  Yeah!

Day 3 - This morning, I just felt crappy...still do.  I fixed my Dukan breakfast in our hotel room...bless the microwave.  For lunch, we went out with the girls.  I had pork chops and poached eggs...figured that poached eggs are safe, they're cooked in water and not grease.  After lunch, my head was just pounding and I think I have a head cold or sinus infection.  Got some medicine from the store...thought...wait, maybe my tooth isn't giving out, maybe it's the pressure from my head that's messing with it.  I sure hope that's what's going on.  And being in populated areas makes for the Dukan Diet a bit more difficult.  More temptations abound.  But, I'm holding my own.  Have my yogurt in the fridge...had packettes of tuna and pink salmon...need to get some more for emergencies...have my stockpile of "fake cookies" in the little freezer.  Took some nighttime sinus meds...hopefully, I'll sleep better tonight.  Hopefully, that's what's bothering my tooth. 

Day 4 - While eating my dinner tonight, here in the hotel room, my husband told me he was proud of me for sticking with this.  I will not say that I'm not tempted, because I sure am.  But at this point, it would be sad to throw it all in for naught.  I was watching this lady being interviewed on tv this morning while he was in the doctor's office..she used to weigh 270 pounds and "lost" 130 pounds.  She doesn't like using the word "lost" because she never wants to find them again.  They asked what made her make the decision to start losing weight.  She said it wasn't any one thing.  I completely agree.  She said it is a continuous decision also.  Day by day.  I thought...sometimes, minute by minute.  I cannot eat the way I used to and have a healthy body.  I cannot eat the way I used to and be mentally strong, I just can't.  Today, I put on my new lime green t-shirt.  It's a XL.  I felt like a normal person...not a fat person.  I ran into one of my best friend's (and crush from high school) parents.  Oh, so good to see them...I just adore them.  And his dad looked at me and gave me the once over...not in a creepy way...in a fatherly way of seeing if all was well with the past years...and then he said, "You look good."  That made me feel good.  I'm just happy that I've lost weight before running into them.  And the hubby actually said he liked this shirt on me.  He never says anything like that.  Marriage weight here I come.  And then hang onto your seats folks, because dating weight will become a reality.  Traveling and sticking to this isn't the easiest thing, this weekend will be a test, but I can do this.  I can do Dukan.

Day 5 - Sometimes, food is tricky.  Sometimes, it's easier than other times.

Day 6 - Decided to have a protein day again today.  So that tomorrow (my birthday) will be a PV day...and so Saturday will be a PV day also (the big anniversary party).  Just seems easier that way.  Also...stepped on my sister-in-law's scale again today...perhaps a mistake to get on it, because I know they're not the same, but figured that it'd at least be a measuring point for while I'm here...the number went down a little, that's good.

Day 7 -  Had an awesome day today.  Got bored with food about mid-day so drank one of my emergency Atkin protein drinks.  Dinner, had a lettuce wrapped hamburger instead of bun.  Was told, have the bun, it's your birthday!  Shaking of head here...I can't play with bread.  I did have a cupcake.  First sugar in over a month.  Took me more than an hour to take the first bite.  Didn't know if I really should or not.  Ended up doing it.  I'm okay.  It was good, but I'm not jumping back into the sugar/flour zone.  I have a goal in sight.  Dr. Dukan gave me the word: Perseverance.  I'm not giving up.  I am looking forward to getting back to my own scale next week.  I don't want to have gained weight.  Need to make sure I get my exercise in even though the next few days will be crazy.  Don't like leaving the numbers blank below, but...it'll be okay.  Good birthday.  I may be chunky, but I no longer feel FAT.  Just little letters fat...that's much better than where I was five weeks ago.  Pants go on easily...they're not snug.  Almost ready to go down a real size.  Feeling good.

Official weigh in from the end of my fourth week in the Cruise Phase:

Week four weight loss:

Total weight loss: