Week 20 - Cruise Phase

Start:  ...

Day 1 -  ...  Meant to be home late tonight.  But the normal 4 hour drive turned into 17 1/2 hours of car time.  Not "drive time"...cuz we weren't able to drive all that time.  Winter Warning Weather means something 'round 'bout these parts.  But it was a good time for conversation with my daughter.  Since moving out, she's put on some weight...it's effecting her..when she shops, etc.  I try to tell her to do this...she won't be on very long, she'll be in the consolidation before I am...and she loves protein, so it won't be difficult for her.  We'll see.  Other than that, I tried to do better today with my stuck wherever it is that I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere-options.  And I'm just too tired right now to make myself some oat bran.  The first day in these 20 weeks that I haven't had my oat bran...it's one of my favorite things to eat in my day-to-day life.  I'm just too tired to take care of it.  

Day 2 - ... Oh dear.  What was that number...172?  It's gone...I didn't come type it down and now I cannot remember.  Which may be a good thing..it couldn't have been bad-bad or I'd remember, eh?  It couldn't have been a 16- number, or I'd remember.  

Day 3 - ... Playing blog catch-up.  Busy with church and food...choir was cancelled so I was just able to enjoy the evening with my husband and daughter.  I had a plate of food.  Didn't go overboard.  Didn't have big servings.  And I was fine.  Didn't go back for more.  Didn't scarf down my stuff.

Day 4 - ... Another driving day.  Had lunch with an old high school friend...sat and talked for hours.  That was good.  Visited with a sister...that was good...showed her how to do hoe-downs and butterflies...they made her tired which made me feel good because she's a thin person who exercises.  I'm used to the T-Tapps...I mean, I work at them, but they don't kick my butt like she was saying, "Phew!!"  Good moment.  Then visited with a cousin for a few hours, that was good therapy.  I'm not alone in the "not perfect family" club.  

Day 5 - ... Away from home...visited with my brother...got my hair done and enjoyed time with my hair person/friend...visited with another sister...then another sister...got some puzzles for the husband...then, took a sister to the store to get a visit in.  Went to see my girls.  I had a few words with my eldest, but she needs them said every once in awhile.  Explained to my middle daughter that she needs to quit hiding as much.  Didn't have many words for my youngest...we had just spent a few days together, including almost 22 hours in the car by ourselves.  We already took care of our stuff.  But over all, we had a good time.  The words were a few moments, we turned to laughing at Sophia Grace and Rosie and life.

Day 6 - ... Ready for a laugh?  So.  I snuck Tiny Spicy Chicken last night.  I say snuck because I didn't want grief from my girls...who are completely supportive of this diet that I'm on, even though, you can tell I haven't been following it completely...a strange sort of hybrid (mostly Dukan), while I get my crap in order.  Anyway. In the wee hours of this morning?  Whah...wah....oh man.  It was not good.  I don't know that I've had food poisoning before, but I know I have had it now.  Later on, helped my youngest make my signature pie for her to bring tomorrow to her boyfriend's family's Thanksgiving meal.  Took her to work.  Did the rest of my "while in real town" errands and made my way home.  It was SO good to be home with my husband.  Scared to weigh in tomorrow.  lol...wonder why that is?!

Day 7 - 172.4.  Wow!  Completely surprised me with that one.  It's been a rough month.  I've blown it on quite the few occasions.  Don't know that the number will be as good tomorrow morning, but.  Oh well.  I'm getting fed up with myself with not finishing this phase up already.  So.  It'll be happening shortly.  I would like to be in consolidation for 1 January 2012.  It can happen, but it's my deal.  So.  I'll eat my meat and peas and roll today and let it go for now.  I can eat it again soon.  It's okay, I'm not deprived.  

Official weigh in from the end of my twentieth week in the Cruise Phase:  173.2

Week twenty weight loss: ...

Total weight loss:  31.8

Week 19 - Cruise Phase

Start:  174.0

Day 1 - 174.  Gotta love consequences of one's actions, eh?  It has been a rather hellacious 1 1/2 weeks though.  So...I'll work on being grateful that I've cut out quite a few harmful eating behaviors/habits...otherwise, I probably would have horked down a few bags of candy, tons of bread, etc the past while.  Instead, I ate some of the meals I prepared for my husband...I did have a hamburger and a BLT...and cookies.  I ate a few cookies.  Overall..no...I still sucked.  Today is a new day.  This is a new week.  I shall NOT gain this week.  Even though I have some traveling and training coming up this week.  At the banquet dinner I shall refrain from the nasty banquet bread and dessert and bring my fake cookies with me to eat after it's over.  I'll just do better this week.  Gotta find my motivation again.  Maybe focus on the other night, when talking with my husband in bed after a difficult day (ha...that didn't differenciate any), I said I needed some positive strokes.  Being who he is, he proceeded to stroke my head and say, "positive...positive..."  Me, being in the state of mind that I was, about bawled.  Then he said he's proud of me and I'm looking gorgeous.  That there have been times lately that he's literally taking a double take.  I didn't know that.  So, of course, some tears come out of my head.  Focus on the upcoming shopping for mother-of-the-bride outfit.  Focus on future grandbabies and being able to run and play with them.  Focus on making that pile of 'too big' clothes a bigger and better pile for my niece.  Focus on what I have achieved thus far...because no matter how many time I mistype and write that I'm 200-and-something...I'm not.  And won't be again.  Period.

Day 2 - 172.8.  Well, that number surprised me.  Really didn't expect to see it.  I'll take it.  With a smile on my face.  Awesome news!  Tonight I zipped up my jacket!  That thing has hung open for years...because I couldn't zip it up.  But I did tonight!  I'm just happy that I can wear my leather jacket as intended again.  

Day 3 - 172.0.  Oh Happy Day!  That was my mini-celebration.  Okay.  So...my youngest daughter and I were talking on the phone last night, she asked how I was doing with my Fruit Loops (months ago when I said was doing this Dukan Diet...she thought I said Fruit Loops Diet...even got me a little box of Fruit Loops so show her support...), I told her fairly well.  Still doing it?  Still doing it...but not perfectly, need to get back in the groove.  Told her I was about 80% on...then corrected myself.  Honestly, it's more like 90-95%...leaning towards the 95.  So, that conversation was enlightening.  Need to give myself a break and acknowledgement for what I DO do.  So.  I was happy to see the number go down this morning...because it's validation of: I don't suck at this.

Day 4 - 171.8.  Another happy morning!  Except when I wasn't watching the microwave and my oat bran cereal boiled over...I looked at it all over the microwave plate thing...and thought: That's my food!  (I love my hot oat bran cereal...even moreso now that I add cinnamon and sugar free creamer)  Before (yeah, I should learn my lesson about now...), I'd just clean up the mess and eat what was still in my bowl.  Not today.  I want all of it.  So.  Clean up and start over.  And the scale gave me a lower number..I ate pumpkin seeds last night for the first time since starting this and thought that salt would hold onto a bunch of water.  I get nervous about salt now that I don't use it for myself.  

Day 5 - 171.8.  I'm okay with that.  Gearing up for going out of town.  The next week and a half are going to be crazy time.  Between going out of town for a training...going out of town to pick up a kid...two kids not coming home..."Thanksgiving"...going out of town to return said kid...staying there for a few days...back home...Thanksgiving..., I'm a bit overwhelmed.  Then, you add the lovely life drama that has been added to our plates as of late, and my desire to flip off most everyone...I'm in a GREAT place mentally.  So.  There you have it.  I want to just eat my oat bran cereal.  It'd make life a lot simpler.  Too bad it doesn't have all the nutrients I need.  

Day 6 - 171.8.  Yeah, I'll keep it.  It's not going up, that's a good thing.  No complaining about my weight at all today.  Traveled and avoided giving into fast food drive-thru temptations.  Got myself a salad with grilled chicken.

Day 7 - ... not home today...did mostly good.  Until the banquet.  I ate the food.  I didn't overeat, I didn't eat the potato...but I did eat a whole grain roll...and dessert.  Then I didn't feel good.  Not that I was bashing myself over the head, it was a decision I made...I physically didn't feel good.  I came back up to my hotel room...did my T-Tapps, to hopefully avoid to much damage.  Drank water.  Still feeling weird in the head.  Tomorrow is going to be a long day.  Only 10 1/2 hours of driving to do.  I'm SO excited.  Not.

Official weigh in from the end of my nineteenth week in the Cruise Phase:

Week nineteen weight loss: ... (not home to weigh myself)

Total weight loss: ...

Week 18 - Cruise Phase

Start:  170.6

Day 1 - 170.6.  11.6 to go...I could SO be in the 160's if I hadn't been being wishy washy the past few weeks.  Sigh.  Sucks when you only have yourself to blame.  Heck, I could be in the 160's if I hadn't been wishy washy this past week!  I could be at the 35 pounds gone mark right now instead of 34.4...I think I cheated every day last week.  Except for yesterday, and that was difficult, but I stayed on task.  I'm taking Biotin now, in addition to my vitamins, hopefully, that will help my hair loss slow down.  I normally lose hair more than I think necessary, but it always stays way thick...and then, come winter, it speeds up some, but, never this bad.  Then I think to rapid weight loss folks and they say they lose hair...so...on my PV days, I need to step up the colorful veggies.  That and the biotin, I'm hoping that will cure my ails.  As to today: I will do my Dukan Diet.  I will not eat off my list.  And even though I may have difficult moments here and there, and wishful thinking, I will persevere and be happier for it when I go to bed tonight.

Day 2 - 170.8.  Okay, enough of that!  Need to get rid of those .numbers so I can see if my ring fits again...I'm trying it on every 5 pounds...and it belongs on my pinkie.  

Day 3 - ... I neglected to get on the scale until a few hours later than normal...so, I'm choosing not to put the number down.  Honestly, I don't remember what it said...it wasn't a moment I was paying attention.  Then...later on...made another choice...it's been a rather *ahem* difficult day.  Been on the verge of tears all day, got called in last minute to play the organ at church for my "assistant"..was actually a huge blessing.  To sit there and just play hymns...and hear the words in my head...and then to hide behind the organ instead of running the chance of having someone say, "how are you?"  Talked with my bishop...that was good...talked with my husband...that was good...went back to church for a few hours of piano playing for choir...that was good...then COMPLETELY broke the sabbath and went to McDonalds...that wasn't good, but the burger was very good.  Husband looked at me...didn't say anything.  Could be, he didn't want to have me burst into tears.

Day 4 - ... Didn't weigh in.  Don't want to.  I'm feeling more at peace today.  We'll see if I can hang onto that feeling.  That's my goal for today.  Secondary goal: attack my to-do-list.  Third goal: do my Dukan thing properly.

Day 5 - ... Today is a "resentful" day.  In about every direction.  But, I'm tired of not seeing the scale go down, in fact, after the past few days (say hello to chicken parmesan, root beer cake, oh...a few more pieces of root beer cake..), it's gone up.  So.  Today, I voted...I went to my training meeting...I did a true Dukan protein day, complete with exercising and loads of water.  I didn't even eat the beans when testing them to see if they were properly cooked for my husband, I bit them in half and then spit them out.  Pat myself on the back and agree to do it again tomorrow.  Not make ham hocks and beans...stick to a Dukan day...the way it's supposed to be.

Day 6 - 175.0.  Yup.  That's my honesty.  Yikes.  And I only have myself to blame.  So...there will be moments today that may be difficult...but I will work through them and do my stuff correctly today.

Day 7 - 174.  lol...when I first typed that, I put 204...then I looked above and thought...175...204...something's not quite right...took me a moment to figure it out.  Then I laughed at myself.  Because my brain remembers the 4 from this morning and then it automatically puts "20" in front of it.  Hmmm...there could be a big problem in my head...?  And lovely.  I'll have gained weight this week.  Perhaps I'll eat another cookie.  :P~~~ 

Official weigh in from the end of my eighteenth week in the Cruise Phase: 174.0

Week eighteen weight loss: +3

Total weight loss: 31

Week 17 - Cruise Phase

Start:  171.6

Day 1 - 171.6.  So...yesterday, as I was doing some...*ahem*...self-sabotaging of my "diet"...I think I had a moment of figuring something out.  Not that anything is fixed, but knowledge is power...so, now that I realized it, I can work on getting over it.  Or ignoring it until it's a moot point.  What is it?  I'm scared of the 160's.  Don't know why.  Getting under 200 was unreal.  And happened fairly easy.  Being in the 190's and then out...unbelievable.  180's?  Came and went.  Then, in the 170's...where I never thought I'd be...and I'm doing these stupid things to not stick to the Dukan Diet 100%...and what's the deal with that?  I'm getting SO close.  

Day 2 - ... Didn't do so great yesterday.  It was just a bad day.  Almost all around.

Day 3 - ... Okay..so the scale said 172.something.  But I just don't want to put numbers down for a few days.  Because I'm in a funk.  Hubby says, what can I do?  I say, move us.  Silly me.  I know a move won't fix things.  But...you never know.  There may be a first time for a move to fix things.  And, to be fair, it will fix quite a few things.  I'm just tired and frustrated.  I'd say I need a jolt, but...I'm not going to...because I'm nervous about what God would send my way to give me a jolt.  I know better than to ask for something that I'm not sure of the outcome.  :)

Day 4 - ... At church yesterday, a nice lady pulled me aside and whispered at me, "have you been....you look really good!"  It was sweet how awkward she felt...not wanting to offend?  I didn't expect this reaction from people.  Happened at the board meeting last week also, the board chair saying he didn't want to offend me by asking.  ???  As if.  

Day 5 - ... Yesterday was Halloween.  I was prepared for Trick-or-Treaters.  I wasn't prepared for myself.  In the sense of: DO NOT BUY CANDY THAT I WANT.  Should have just stuck to the Whoppers and Peanut M&M's.  But no.  I bought Snickers also.  So, I'm thinking this morning about the Snickers that I ate yesterday.  And thinking...is it worth it?  In not getting my numbers to go down?  And I had a thought...it's just food.  And it doesn't make my brain feel good.  It doesn't make my hair lush and shiny.  It doesn't help my t-shirt look oh so much better on me.  It's just food.  I ought to treat it as such.  My hubby is making sounds about looking into the Dukan Diet for himself.  I'm just tired.  I want to jump into the consolidation phase...but I can't.  I need to work my way there...so I guess I ought to get to work again.

Day 6 - ... Yeah.  Got nothing to say.  (later today...)  Okay, maybe I have something to say now.  I spent a long time reading Dukan posts today.  Even mustered up courage and posted a question about hair loss.  Because, holy frickin' cow, my scalp and hair reacts too much to the seasonal changes, but this is ridiculous.  Found out I'm not alone.  Got some vitamin advice.  Went to the store.  Got a compliment.  Realized that I'm in November...that my date for hitting 'True Weight' is a few weeks away and I've messed that up.  I need to just do this.  Take care of business.  I'm 2/3 of the way there.  I have some problem, but since I can't figure out what that is, might as well ignore it.  Or bring it along.  Feel a little closer to kicking my butt in gear...

Day 7 - ... Getting closer.  Determination is kicking back in.  Got stuff to help my hair.  Have perfected my fake cookie recipe...for now... November is passing more with each day.  I may not make my true weight by Thanksgiving, but I will be in the 160's...and that'll only happen if I work the program.  So I'll work the program and Christmas will be a happy day..I'll get cute pajamas, instead of leaving myself out of the pajama presents because I didn't want fat nasty pj's while my girls wore the ones I wanted.  And I'll leave this year at my true weight and spend 2012 consolidating that number and then stabilizing it for life.  Sounds good, eh?  Oh...and I'm making myself pumpkin soup today for lunch.  I'm looking forward to it.

Official weigh in from the end of my seventeenth week in the Cruise Phase:  170.6

Week seventeen weight loss: 1

Total weight loss: 34.4